Let’s begin with some slow breathing to help you prepare for this Stoic mediation.
Close your eyes and breathe a little slower and
a little bit deeper than usual. Breathe in through your nose down to your belly
and then out slowly through your nose. As I
count from one to three try to follow my voice as
you breathe
in slowly and then out slowly. Breathing in 2. 3 . Breathing
out 2.3 . 1 2 3 in 1 2 3 out 123 in 123 out [pause] You might now like to count silently
to yourself now whilst I keep quiet [pause]. If you get distracted, that’s normal. Just
bring your attention back to your breathing [pause}
If you want to slow it down more breathing in
and out to 4 that’s good too. [pause 1 minute] Well done.
Now I’d like you to recall in your mind’s eye an image of Basil Fawlty thrashing
his car. He’s such a vivid reminder of how
an absence of Stoicism can cause problems . When we are bothered about things
outside our control we are likely to get angry, anxious and upset and to be frank can end up looking rather
silly. So bring to mind now just how silly Basil looks when he is thrashing his
car.[pause[
So how could Stoicism have helped Basil?
Seneca advises us to bring to mind an ideal Stoic adviser.
“Cherish someone of good character and keep
them always in your mind. Then live as if they were watching you , and order
all your actions as if they saw them”.
An Ideal Stoic adviser might well begin telling Basil about the classic Stoic wisdom similar to the Serenity Prayer The adviser would say to Basil: “Don’t
try to control what you can’t control. Learn to accept what is outside your
control with serenity. Focus only on the aspects of a situation
that you can control. Now the main thing you can control is yourself. You can choose to be the best version of
yourself in a situation, a person of excellent
character,
a virtuous person. There are four key virtues that make an excellent character –self-control , justice, wisdom and
courage -
so let’s think about how you can develop each them.
Unless you are a perfect Stoic sage, which
frankly you aren’t Basil, you need self-control. Slow calming breathing like we’ve
just practised is one way to calm
yourself down enough to enable you to postpone action until you can think more clearly
about things and so be more self-controlled.
You also need to develop a sense of justice to take into account the
interests of other people – so think for a moment about the other parties
affected by you, and try to see things from their point of view as well as your own.
You require practical wisdom to work out the best option, using your
experience and asking wise questions like “what would I advise a friend in this
situation?” and “what really matters here?”
Finally having decided the right thing you may well also need
the courage to get out of your comfort zone and do the right thing.
Let’s think about how you can apply all of this, Basil.
At the moment you are trying to control
whether the car starts. How’s that working for you? So why not focus instead on
what you can control, which is being the best version of yourself. I sense
that you feel like giving the car a damn good thrashing., so you need self-control to help you not do something so silly. Taki a
few deep
breaths and postpone doing anythin
until you calm down. Next, think about other people involved and what a fair
solution would be.Your customers are waiting a long time now for their meal – how about giving
them drinks on the house? But I sense that you feel like bluffing your way out
of it rather than explaining what has really happened to them. So you
also need the courage to apologise sincerely to them when you get back to the
hotel. Moving on to practical wisdom,
what would you advise a good friend to do in your predicament? [pause ]Maybe it
would be to get a taxi to deliver the food to the hotel whilst calling the AA
to recover your car.
Do you think that all this would be good advice for Basil.? You
can nod if you think it would be.
If
Stoicism can help the likes of Basil, could these powerful ideas can help all of us. Let’s try it right now. Bring
to mind a recent occasion when you’ve
let yourself get unduly upset, angry or anxious. It
doesn’t have to be a drama of Fawlty-esque proportions, just a time when the
best version of yourself would have responded differently. if you need a moment to think of a suitable event you can pause the recording.
At this stage we are just aiming to increase awareness
of what makes things go wrong. So just play
back in your mind’s eye your scenario as if you were watching it on video.
Recall the chain of events – how it all started,
what was going through your mind, what you felt - and the adverse consequences that resulted..
Go through it
a couple of times, so you are aware of any unhelpful thoughts and actions.
Now let’s
see how an Ideal Stoic adviser can help you. Imagine yourself back in your
challenging situation with your ideal Stoic adviser saying this to you:
“Don’t try to control what you can’t control
–- notice any aspects of the situation outside your control and accept them with
serenity. [pause] You can’t control the past, so let that go. You can’t control
other people or what they think, so stop trying to change other people. The
main thing you can control is yourself and whether you act like the
best version of yourself. So ask yourself what a more self-controlled, just, wise
and courageous version of yourself would
do in this situation.
To increase self-control it’s often helpful
to do some slow breathing. Decide to postpone over
hasty action until
you can think more clearly and calmly. So imagine taking some slow breaths in your
situation
and not doing anything until you have calmed down a bit [pause]. Next think about the other people
involved and what being fair to them would mean. Ask yourself What
would you like to happen if you were in their shoes? [pause]
Next ask yourself: What does my experience
tell you would be a wise thing to do in these circumstances? What does my
experience tell me NOT to do? What would I advise a friend? What really matters here? What’s going to matter tomorrow?
[pause] So what would the right thing to do be? [pause] Now imagine doing the right thing. If that that’s you
out of your comfort zone, imagine other times you have been
strong, You might like to imagine yourself telling someone, perhaps even your ideal
Stoic adviser,
about how you
responded courageously in
this trying
situation..
Do
you think it would be helpful for you and other people in your
life if you too the Ideal Stoic Adviser’s advice more
consistently? Justas actors due to appear in a West End play need to
rehearse to perform well when the pressure is on., we
can perform better if we rehearse how we will
respond to difficult situations.
So let’s try it one more time. You can choose to rehearse your ideal Stoic
response the same situation again, or you can choise a different past event, or perhaps even a
challenging situation you are likely to face in the future. [pause]
If you need a moment to think of which situation to tackle
you can pause the recording for a moment.
I’ll again
suggest Stoic advice, this time I’m inviting you to add to this by thinking of
how you’ve achieved self-control, wisdom, courage or
justice
in the past. So first
of all ask yourself what you can control, and the focus on only those aspects
that you can. Then focus on each of the four parts of being virtuous, being the
best version of yourself. Ask yourself “ how can I be more self-controlled?” –
remember that slow breathing can help ––[pause] next how can I be fair and just – [pause] think of other parties how you would like to
be treated in their shoes – next “how can I be wise?” – remember thinking of
what you’d advise a friend and what is going to matter tomorrow. [pause] Finally how you I be
courageous [pause] for example imagining yourself at your strongest. Take a moment to run through
again in your minds eye you tackling this situation Stoically and being the
best version of yourself.
As with any other skill, like learning to
drive or learning a language, Stoicism requires practice so it will help to
listen to this recording regularly. With regular
practice, you may find yourself automatically responding like
an ideal Stoic adviser.
So well done, and to end today’s meditation it’s
fitting to end up with some wise words from a real ideal Stoic adviser, Marcus
Aurelius
"Waste no more time arguing about what a good
[person] should be. Be one."
When
you a ready, take a few more slow breaths and open your eyes.